How lost am I in an effort to be ‘who’, that ‘who am I’ is now an unanswered question too, and I wonder how…how did it come to all come to this…
It’s interesting how a blank slate mind learns to hate the things it had to learn to love as it grew up. How what was unfamiliar and odd became what we are accustomed to, and is then moulded into what we wish we could forget forever. But do we even know where we want to be? What’s the path we seek and to which destination? I guess all we know is that there’s a possibility to leave to something different and perhaps that will be better, so in sight we see a mirage and chase it assuming our thirst will be quenched.
Lead into a whirlpool of thoughts, we find ourselves unraveling what we really will, to be. And yet what that is, is just as hazy as the memories of first being introduced to who we are. We are so sure that we want to be someone, but what that is or entails is a mystery to the desire of ‘change’ itself. It is as if we’ve begun to admire what we weren’t even acquainted with, only to be told this is not how things should be. So we wish to unlearn that love, guided by nothing but just loathe for what’s in our grip, in blinded love for the unknown that we seek.
Epiphany is the moment of realization that we wish to renounce this run towards remoulding ourselves. As if each step takes you further away from being yourself, but this last lift of the feet urges you to turn for just a glance. To me it represents the ‘near finality’ stage of wanting to let go off yourself, where you realize what would all this even bring your way. A last glance at who you were and then one down at the reflection laying in your feet, to who you’ve become. The trickling raindrops that guided you to the sunshine across, with the possibility of rainbows lighting up life, has only managed to drain you, and ‘life’ of all its color.
Epiphany is a wake up call, a realization that every crooked edge may not represent perfection, but it does represent you and just being ‘you’ embodies a beauty of its own kind. The storm may have been able to shelter away what made you stand out, but layered in a hundred masks, even your dull sparkle shines brightly because it manages to set itself apart. It’s what makes you ‘unusual' to others and so they wish to mould you into what seems acceptable. And your pure heart that loves unconditionally, is ready to let itself be shaped into what’s a ‘gem’ to them, when you hold so much more in yourself.
Now the storm you found yourself surrounded by has started to seep in and wreck the same heart…till realization has dawned upon of what this journey has brought your way. What you deemed to be a new path has only lead you to go astray. And even if the heart is hesitant is to return to ones ‘self’, there is a need to push forward till you meet who you were, and are able to embrace what you had almost let go off.
Epiphany encourages one to not only return but to question every thought that took them away from it. Perhaps that is the true milestone, discovering the map of one’s soul. Carried by all but uncovered by only those who understand what loss it’s lack leads to…and what it truly yields. This is just the first step taken towards learning to love yourself, the answer to it all and yet only the beginning of greater journey waiting to unfold.
This analytical piece is a subjective interpretation of the actual work (bound to have a one-dimensional perspective) and claims to reflect nothing directly or indirectly mentioned in the original lyrics.
Credits to @doolsetbangtan for lyric translations, for this and all previous posts too. My bad, I should have included this before and will from now on.
